Longing
by Sara's Earliest Works
Summary: See Setsuna wangst over a girl she only has one or two scenes with in the anime AND manga combined.


"Longing"  
by Sara Jaye

Depression inspires a lot. What can I say? However, this one is just major angst, no morbid suicide. But it's still pretty sad.  
And, for once, it is NOT a Dark Kingdom fanfic. It's about Setsuna, aka Sailorpluto, the second loneliest of the Senshi. But it's also about, in a way, a couple I wish there was more fanfiction about-  
Setsuna&Minako. Yes, I know they're an odd match, but I think they would be a cute couple. ; Minako's crazy, upbeat, and somewhat idealistic, Setsuna's very serious and quiet...they'd balance each other out very nicely. ; And Minako can relate to being lonely as well. However, the way I see it is Setsuna wouldn't believe someone like Minako could love someone like her.  
Which is what led to my writing this-well, other than the depression, that is. ;; But I'd better shut up now, since I'm rambling.

Disclaimers: Sailor Moon is the property of Naoko Takeuchi and Toei animation. None of the characters belong to me.  
This is a yuri/shoujo ai fanfiction, meaning love between 2 girls. If you are offended by this, then I suggest you leave immediately. Reading this, being offended/shocked/disgusted, and flaming me will result in me being very pissed off. And trust me, you do not want that to happen. Same thing if you dislike Setsuna or Minako and think that them being an item is "gross" or some other form of wrong. Also, it's pretty depressing, so if angst bugs you, you may want to close this window. But if none of the above apply to you, enjoy!

It's raining.  
I smile a little as I gaze out my bedroom window, watching the drops of water beating against the window. I like when nature is in tune with my emotions.  
The sky is dark, just like my thoughts. The almost-black clouds are blocking any light and warmth, just like the sadness in my heart. The rain is like the tears that have been falling from my eyes for the last hour or so. And neither of them are going to stop anytime soon.  
I feel so alone right now...like everyone out there has someone...someone to love them...and I'm the odd one out in this world. Always will be.  
I certainly am the odd one out in this house. Haruka and Michiru are very much in love, and Hotaru has Small Lady. The other senshi? Makoto and Ami have each other, Usagi has Mamoru...and Rei.  
well, maybe I'm not the only single senshi left. But even so...I just feel so left out, surrounded by all these happy couples. Not that I'm bitter. I'm happy for them. They deserve to be happy with each other. It's just that...they're all so in love, and I'm just...alone. Completely alone Always have been, and always will be.  
I'm used to feeling this way...I have been for years. But it doesn't hurt any less.  
And what hurts even more is that the only one I want is someone I can never have. Someone who could never feel the same for me as I feel for her.  
And why would she?  
Why would someone like her have any sort of feelings for someone like me? Someone like Yaten or Rei would be much better for her. We're completely different. She's so light, so upbeat and optimistic, and I'm so solemn, so dark...others have said I was emotionless because I'm so calm. I never lose my cool when I'm around others...even in battle. They don't know what I'm like when they're not around...they don't know what I'm really like, just how much pain I'm in...how lonely I am.  
And she doesn't even know that I love her...that she means everything to me. Just seeing her smile at me brightens my day. She's just so wonderful, wonderful in a way only she can be. I have told her that anyone would be lucky to have her, when she's lonely because she hasn't found the right person. But only saying it as a friend would, and nothing more. She doesn't know that I not only mean it, I know it. Anyone would be extremely lucky to be with her.  
And she never will know.  
There's no way I can ever let her know this. It wouldn't matter...she could never feel the same way about me. Not to mention it would ruin our friendship...and I'm lucky enough to be her friend considering we have so little in common. And if I did tell her, what if she hated me for it and never spoke to me again?  
That's what scares me the most. The possibilty of rejection. I can't stand the thought of losing her...just thinking about that makes my heart ache more than I can say.  
I'm so tired of being so afraid. I want to tell her how much I love her, that even when I'm so depressed it almost hurts physically, just her beautiful smile alleviates my pain...that she's my one reason to live.  
But I can't.  
I just can't.  
So I just continue to stand in the shadows, hoping she'll notice me. Adoring her from afar. And crying myself to sleep at night over my unrequited love.  
I look outside at the rain again. It's coming down heavier, and I sense a storm coming. At least nature isn't being as cruel to me as life is.  
Sighing, I lie down on the bed, clutching my pillow as more tears stream down my cheeks. I glance at the clock on my nightstand, barely able to see the time as my eyes are blurred. 12:30am...it feels so much later. I yawn...maybe some sleep would help get my mind off of my pain...no, it wouldn't do any good as I'll only dream about her.  
I can't sleep anyway...but my eyelids are beginning to feel heavy.  
All I can think about is her. My blonde angel of love and beauty. My ray of light.  
I whisper these words before sleep overtakes me:  
"Aishiteru, Minako."

End

Ah, another story finished in one night! Of course this story is set on a rainy night. One thing that really sucks is daylight mixing with depression. Xx;  
checks clock 5:12am...I need to quit telling myself I'll go to bed at a decent hour and actually follow through on it. Xx; And now I'm getting VERY paranoid that someone is going to catch me still online...Oo -mutters something about annoying immediate family members-


End file.
